Excuses vs. Accommodations: What Are We Actually Saying in the Saddle?
As a horse trainer, I spend my days (and, let’s be honest, a good chunk of my nights) helping people from all walks of life become better riders. I work with teens, retirees, green beginners, seasoned pros—you name it. And while each rider is totally unique, I’ve started hearing the same phrase over and over again:
“I can’t because of…”
“…my ADHD. I can’t sit still.”
“…my hip. It just doesn’t move that way.”
“…my age. I’m too old for that.”
Cue the mental record scratch.
I love when riders tell me what’s going on. I’m all for honesty, vulnerability, and full transparency in the arena. But here’s where things get interesting:
The same rider who says “I can’t” often ends up doing it—beautifully—five minutes later.
So I started wondering…
Are we naming a real limitation—or are we letting discomfort disguise itself as disability?
When “I Can’t” Is Just Code for “This Feels Hard and I’m Freaking Out”
Let’s get one thing straight: riding is hard. It’s physically demanding, emotionally exposing, and sometimes mentally chaotic—especially when there’s a judge staring you down or a budget you’re painfully aware of.
Add to that a perfectionist streak (hello, equestrians), and suddenly “I can’t” feels safer than “I’m struggling.” But here’s the kicker:
If you tell me “I can’t,” I’ll believe you. I have to. That’s the respectful, responsible thing to do as a coach.
But if you can, and you just don’t know how yet… we both miss a growth moment.
What if instead of shutting the door with “I can’t,” you cracked it open with:
“This is hard. Can you help me figure it out another way?”
That one little reframe turns a full stop into a collaboration.
And collaboration? That’s where the good stuff lives.
Okay, But What If I Actually Can’t?
Now don’t get it twisted—some riders really do have valid limitations. Maybe your hip literally won’t rotate past a certain point. Maybe your neurodivergent brain goes haywire in high-stress situations. That’s real, and I need to know.
But here’s the magic: when riders are upfront and clear about their needs, we create genius workarounds together.
Like:
“I have ADHD and stopping and being still is too much—can I use a fidget ring so I can move without influencing my horse?”
“My hip’s tight from surgery. Mind if I hop off and stretch?”
“My left leg is useless today—can we focus on walk/trot work instead of loping?”
YES. TO. ALL.
Now we’re in creative problem-solving mode—and that’s where I shine.
I’m a Trainer, Not a Doctor (Or a Mind Reader)
Here’s your gentle PSA: I’m not your physical therapist, your trauma therapist, or your neurologist. I’m your riding trainer. I can work with whatever you bring to the barn—but only if I know what I’m working with.
If your riding is being impacted by something medical, mental, emotional, or otherwise—talk to your health team first. Then come to me with that info in hand and say:
“Here’s what’s going on. Here’s what I can do. Can we find a way forward?”
Now that is the dream coaching setup.
Accommodations Aren’t Weak—They’re Wildly Self-Aware
Asking for support isn’t giving up—it’s leveling up.
When a rider says, “I want to figure this out, even if we have to do it differently,” I see someone who’s ready to crush some goals.
But if you're tossing out “I can’t” like a verbal mic drop, just check yourself:
Are you protecting your body… or your ego?
If it’s your body—yes, girl. Full respect. We’ll adapt.
If it’s your ego? Maybe we take a deep breath, adjust the pressure, and try again with a different ask.
Let’s Build a Bridge, Not a Wall
Every lesson is a chance to improve by 1%. That’s it.
No one's asking you to be perfect today, we just want to move you one inch closer to your goal.
So next time you’re tempted to shut down with “I can’t,” try this instead:
“This is hard. What are my options?”
Let’s stop walling ourselves off from progress.
Let’s start building better bridges—between you and your trainer, between you and your horse, and between you and the rider you’re becoming.
If this post hit home and you’re like, “Okay… I know I’ve misused “I can’t” and I want to do better, but I don’t even know what to ask for” I got you.
That’s exactly why I offer Confidential Calls. It’s a private, judgment-free space where you can ask the awkward questions, talk through what’s holding you back, and figure out what support you actually need in the barn or the saddle. No pressure, no performance, just a clear conversation with a pro to help you get on track toward your equestrian goals from a qualified professional..
Book on the services page
Let’s talk about what actually works for you.
